yesterday was a really conflicting day for me.
i found out i had covid and started my quarantine.
previous to that, i had a wonderful morning meeting. i sat with my friend Jack Lund and behind us sat Sully, Joseph and Aiden (“we ball” aiden, not mooney) and we joshed about. made quips and such.
early on in the meeting i pulled out my baby yoda speaker from my bag and let loose Gangnam Style (as i often do) and based on the crowds reaction, sprung feelings of confusion and delight among the crowd, i think. about a minute later Evan gave me the permission to throw a freak dance party before the meeting started since we had extra time, so from the audience I was told to play “california girls” by snoop doggy dog, so we all balled out for the first 2 and a half minutes.
i also got to perform two original songs at the concert despite my unfortunate situation and i sang my heart out. it’s uncomfortable how vulnerable it is but feeling heard and seen by those who are around me, to feel seen and understood about how i feel, it’s one of the only things that makes me feel real. i wanted to share the love and the heartache i’ve experienced this last year with a community that welcomes you to feel what you feel and be who you really are.
the reason i write music is because it’s the only thing in this life that has ever made me feel like i can convey how i truly feel and who i really am even though sharing my music was really horrifying for me. my performance was sorta a train wreck and that was partly because of some of my deep fears about sharing them. unfortunately some of my deepest fears came true by the end of them. i’ve decided it’s a live and let live situation and that for once in my life i can’t control everything and that it’s okay to want to share the deepest feelings and experiences i’ve had, especially when i remain respectful. i’ve learned over the years that sharing is the only thing that makes me feel whole and complete, seen and heard, to feel and be felt. that’s the most important thing for me in this life and music for me, writing and singing happens to be the only way anyone will ever see me at my core.
one of the most important and truly emphasized aspects of camp is that everyone should have the comfort to feel that you can be who you truly are and share anything you need to share.
camp is lovely and more than lovely it’s truly unexplainable. the people here are kind and beautiful. i have so much love for every single person here, every single person. i love you.
peace out <3
