Zander's Place

I originally had something else planned for this page, but I recently wrote something covering the same subject, so here's that piece of writing - which was specifically written for Gender Crash, 11 September, 2008.

I’ve been thinking about the high and mighty in the trans community, specifically the FTM spectrum, because I obviously don’t have much to do with the MTF portion of it, and I’m really sick of newly-out guys getting bombarded with some imaginary rule book on the “right” way to be male. It starts with “passing” tips. I don’t mind advice on binders, or how to tie a tie, because that can be practical information. But what irks me is the stupid shit like, “Real men take up space, dominate conversations, ALWAYS have short hair, and are 100%, hardcore butch.”

And because these rules absolutely cannot ever be bent or broken, most guys can’t post pictures on LiveJournal just for the sake of posting pictures. There will always be that one or two guys who comment, “You should cut your hair, because you look too feminine, and maybe start wearing striped polo shirts to hide your chest and baggier pants because the ones you’re wearing draw attention to your hips…” Okay, someone just wanted to test out his new digital camera, chill the fuck out.

There’s always that story a trans person tells someone, and they say something along the lines of “I just didn’t want to lie to myself or anyone else anymore.” How is a really femme trans guy who enjoys cross-dressing supposed to be honest with himself if his community is going to challenge his identity just because he wears female-assigned clothing? Or what about trans guys who don’t feel the need to pack, or wear a strap-on, or enjoy front-hole penetration? Most of all, what about the guys who don’t want or need hormones or surgery? Why do we give a shit whether some man wants to get pregnant, or is happy with using and calling it his vagina?

It seems the further a lot of guys go in their medical transition, the more insecure they become. I must be on some fucked up batch of T then, because I feel pretty damn okay about myself. Yeah, I dislike having breasts, but that doesn’t mean that I consider men who don’t bind disgraceful or something.

The best passing tip I can offer any trans person - whether they be MTF or FTM - is to be honest and not let some self-declared tranny messiah shove unsolicited garbage down their throat. I would think that it would be easy, considering we’re all pretty aware that there’s more than male and female.

BIOLOGICAL/BIRTH SEX
male -------------------------------------- female
intersexed

GENDER IDENTITY
man/boy -------------------------------------- woman/girl
genderqueer

MANNERISMS
masculine -------------------------------------- feminine
androgynous

SEXUAL ORIENTATION
strictly attracted to women -------------------------------------- strictly attracted to men
bi/pan/asexual

This exercise to show that the above four categories are in no way connected. So gender identity has nothing to do with sexual orientation, sex has nothing to do with whether someone is butch or femme, etc. Just put a marker anywhere on the line that is appropriate. Here is mine just to give an example.

BIOLOGICAL/BIRTH SEX
male -------------------------------------x female - born female
intersexed

GENDER IDENTITY
man/boy x------------------------------------- woman/girl - identify as a man
genderqueer

MANNERISMS
masculine --------------x----------------------- feminine - somewhat masculine, but not butch
androgynous

SEXUAL ORIENTATION
strictly attracted to women ------------------------x------------- strictly attracted to men - pansexual
bi/pan/asexual