Is NBTSC for you and your family?
Those of us who run NBTSC pretty much love it and think it's a great place (and are always seeking to improve it)--but we know it's not for everyone. It's never our intent to coerce people into coming, or mislead families into sending their kids. You are always welcome to call or email us if you're not sure whether NBTSC is a good fit for you and your family. Here are a few of Grace's general opinions:
NBTSC may not be a good choice for..
People who have little or no experience with personal growth or group bonding activities, or who are wary of trying new things in these realms.
Someone commented on their 2010 camper evaluation that some of our evening activities are "weird" and "cult-like," and that I should make that more clear on our website. So, here goes. I assume that what was meant by the writer were: bonding night, trust circle, and perhaps the closing ceremony. (Other activities come and go, some of which are similar in quality, but those 3 are mainstays except at Vermont Session 2.) I must first say that these events are many campers' favorite things about NBTSC -- and that goes for lots of people who initially found them strange, new, and intimidating. None of these bizarre activities are required, but most people participate in all of them.
Bonding night consists largely of an activity where half the participants spread themselves throughout the room, standing, and close their eyes; the remaining half move slowly through the room giving anonymous hugs. We talk beforehand about what to do if one gets overwhelmed, about being sensitive and respectful, and such. Many people say their view of humanity and of their own place within it is changed, for the better, the first time they do this activity. Most campers and staff love it. A few, of course, are put off by it. Again -- nobody has to participate. This activity was initiated by a camper many years ago and, due to popular demand, it stuck around. I believe it originally came from a Unitarian gathering.
Trust Circle is the kinder and gentler edition of an activity we used to do, which was called the "power shuffle." We've been refining the TC for 7 years now, as of January 2011, and while those of us who organize it are still learning, and make improvements every year, many campers say it's the biggest highlight of their NBTSC experience. Everyone stands in a circle together and listens to a series of statements (which have been updated for the current camp session by a committee of campers with a staff mentor). After each statement, if a person identifies with the statement and wants to "say so" in front of the group, he walks into the center of the circle. We stress that this is not an "honesty" exercise, and that even if a statement rings true, one should only walk into the center if she feels there is some benefit for her in doing so. (Sample statements: "Crying in front of others scares me." "I have accomplished something in the past year that I'm proud of." "I have been physically violent towards another person." "My parents are divorced." "I have practiced unsafe sex.") Later, there is a second "chapter" where individuals have the opportunity to speak their own statement, something that is true for them personally. They--and anyone else who wants to publicly identify with their statement--walk into the circle to be seen by everyone. For many the trust circle is a powerful experience of letting go of shame, of feeling empathy, of sharing emotions with others. For some people it is just a little too much. We don't push anybody to go.
Closing ceremony will sound tame after those last two, but here you go: we sit in a big circle. Everybody, in turn, speaks an intention for the coming year. ("I will start a band with my brothers." "I will become more honest with my parents.") Then we have the "hug circle," a carefully choreographed event wherein every single person has the opportunity to hug every other person, usually while singing a lovely Sufi song, "All I ask of you." One can also go through the hug circle simply making eye contact. Or not go through the hug circle (or participate in the intention circle) at all.
Hope that helps.
Families whose religious beliefs or values are such that the NBTSC environment could feel incompatible with them.
While we welcome people of all faiths (and lack thereof) and do what we can (within reason) to make everyone feel comfortable, we also recognize that certain aspects of camp may feel out of synch with what is important to some people. We have rules that we firmly expect campers to uphold (see our typical list of rules in a recent camper handbook), but subgroups of the camp community do tend to engage in open discussion about issues like sex and.... well, I guess sex is the main one that might be worrisome for some families. That, and religion and spirituality itself, and sometimes there's a generally questioning (but rarely defiant) attitude toward life in general. See "What parents should know about NBTSC" in our brochure for a little more on this subject. I don't want to give the wrong impression--everything under the sun gets discussed at camp, and the overall tone is friendly and fun, not sexual, and discussion focuses on how-to-create-world-peace and what-color-to-dye-one's-hair as much as it does on matters related to sexuality. I just want to be completely forthcoming on this issue.
Of course, there is a wide continuum of parental stances on this issue and others like it. If you fall way at the conservative end of the spectrum then we imagine NBTSC is probably not the best fit for your family. If you fall somewhere in the big fat middle, though, you may want to send your kids to camp but have a few heart-to-hearts on subjects important to you beforehand. And, you know, no camp is immune to sexuality. As a teenager, I belonged to a fundamentalist Christian church and attended its summer camp a few times. I had not before, and haven't since, ever experienced such a sexually charged environment. Even though few, if any, teenagers actually had sex with each other during those weeks, the overall tone was much more fraught with sexual tension than NBTSC is. You know, the forbidden fruit thing.
And, I do also want to say that while sexuality is sometimes discussed at camp, most campers are not sexually active (in their lives in general--not just at camp), and most of the discussion tends toward the thoughtful, with many people unabashedly proclaiming themselves not ready for sex. At any given session of camp there are usually a few intense romances, and there's a lot of physical affection, mostly of the platonic variety (which we on staff tend to think is healthy and positive, except to the degree that it contributes to germ migration), but we discourage people from focusing their camp experience on sexuality, and we have a clear rule about not having sex while at camp.
Younger teenagers.
If your kids are pretty young, don't have older siblings, and simply haven't had much exposure to older teenage culture, NBTSC might be a bit of a shock for them. On the other hand, younger campers often clump together and create their own sub-community.... and older campers tend to look out for them. We typically have a lot of 13- and 14-year olds, and in the past we usually had a few 12-year-olds at most sessions, but it depends on the kid and the environment they're used to. For some, it might be best to wait a year or two. (We no longer accept 12-year-olds, since a high percentage have had difficulty at NBTSC, even after they and their parents articulately and convincingly proclaimed their readiness.)
It can help, of course, to have older friends or siblings at camp, provided these relationships are healthy and supportive.
In the past, when we did consider 12-year-olds on a case-by-case basis, we sent out some general thoughts to their parents. We think some of it is relevant for many 13- and 14-year-olds (and undoubtedly some older teenagers also):
Please specifically consider your child’s readiness to make healthy choices regarding his or her romantic or sexual feelings toward others, and—especially—his or her ability to make healthy choices regarding the interest others may have in her. Especially when young girls look older than they are, older boys may be attracted to them. We’re not trying to alarm you, and it’s not that anything “bad” has happened in this department to our knowledge, but we do want you to consider how vulnerable your kid/s are. (It surprises us that this possibility often doesn’t seem to have occurred to parents when they ask us if their 12-year-olds can attend.) If they have an older sibling (or a trustworthy older friend) attending, that helps. If they look young and/or dress in a relatively conservative manner, that lessens the likelihood that older campers will think of them as potential girlfriends or boyfriends. If they already have some experience talking with people who are attracted to them, that helps. Of course, if they are in fact a mature individual in the sense that they are not easily pressured or confused by what others want, that helps more than anything else. We suggest that as a family you do some role playing to help build awareness and communication skills.
Now, it’s not that any campers—age 12 or age 17—are left to completely fend for themselves. We watch out for everyone. Campers watch out for each other. We proactively offer support to anyone who seems to be struggling with anything. But the younger a camper is, the more these things may be challenging. And, we don’t want to accept a younger camper and then discover that he or she requires an extreme amount of support.
You may want to talk with your child, prior to camp, about what he can do at camp if he should find himself in a challenging situation.
Kids used to structure, not used to lots of freedom.
By this I mean teenagers who usually have a lot of externally-imposed structure in their lives, or who aren't accustomed to taking responsibility for the way they use their time. (Generally speaking, this may apply more to younger teenagers.) At NBTSC, very little is required beyond 2 group meetings each day. Pretty much everything else, from bedtimes to whether to attend meals to what daytime activities to participate in, is up to the individual. For most people this is one of the best aspects of camp. For some, it may be anxiety-producing and overwhelming. We're willing to work with you, and if you or your parents educate us about your needs and what we can do to support you, we'll do what we can. Sometimes an older sibling can be a grounding force.
Emotionally unstable teenagers.
Kids who may not be emotionally stable, or who have traumatic histories or who have at some time been suicidal, usually do very well at NBTSC, but in one case I wished that the parent (and perhaps camper) knew ahead of time a little more about NBTSC and could have either warned us about particular needs, or chosen to not send the kid to camp. So, to prevent similar problems in the future: NBTSC can be emotionally intense! Here's why: 1) It's a weeklong gathering of 100 or so teenagers who naturally form close bonds, and often experience attraction, rejection, jealousy, and many other uncomfortable emotions. 2) We don't enforce bedtimes, and some campers choose not to get a lot of sleep, and that adds to any instability that's already there. 3) Like in any other camp situation, people are away from home and in an unfamiliar environment, and 4) Some activities led by both campers and staff tend toward the realm of personal growth or therapeutic. In some workshops and other events, campers are invited to stretch themselves emotionally, reveal aspects of themselves they are normally secretive about, etc. Many people feel that these moments are among the best parts of camp. Occasionally, however, someone is overwhelmed by these experiences or their aftermath. If you're wondering whether this aspect of camp would pose a problem for you (or your kid), please contact us. As usual, there are probably a lot of things we can do to work with you if we know enough about your background and your needs. In extreme cases, maybe NBTSC isn't a good choice for you.
People who don't want to be there.
We actually state this as a rule, and not to be cute or clever. It is, perhaps, our most important rule. When people attend camp because their parents have pressured them to do so (or even merely because all their friends go), they typically come less ready to contribute and to benefit from camp, and that's not good for them or for us. It also helps if people come willing to proactively address aspects of camp that are not comfortable for them. For instance, if someone feels isolated due to her religious practices, political beliefs, appearance, interests, personality, or anything else, it's helpful if she's willing (with the help of a staff person, if wanted) to start a discussion, or a lunch group, or another form of solidarity and support, for herself and other people who might be feeling the same way.
People with secret tobacco addictions (Oregon).
In Oregon, we require parental permission to use tobacco, and also to simply hang out in the designated smoking location.
Yes, we have reservations about this policy. We realize that teenagers often keep aspects of their lives hidden from their parents. We are all for people having a right to privacy, and to having a significant amount of control over their lives, regardless of age. We ourselves made choices and did things as teenagers that our (unspeakably wonderful) parents had not the slightest clue about, and for the most part we don’t regret those activities, nor do we think anything would have been improved if our parents had known about them.
Yet, during the years we didn't regulate the smoking situation at NBTSC, it degraded to the point that we can't in good conscience continue to allow smoking by people whose parents don’t give their permission. Your options, as we see them, are:
- Tell your parents you smoke.
- Quit smoking prior to camp. (Don’t count on being able to quit at camp--that's unrealistic for most people.)
- Cut back to the point that you can go a whole week without, though that’s pretty much the same as quitting.
- Use a nicotine patch or another method of getting yourself through the night.
Don’t plan on bumming cigarettes off your friends or smoking in secret. Even if you don’t get caught – but good chance you will; it's happened before – trust us, you don't want to create that kind of relationship with NBTSC staff.
People with tobacco addictions, period. (Vermont.)
Farm and Wilderness has a strict no-tobacco policy. During daylight hours you can walk half a mile to the edge of their property for a cigarette, but our night time boundaries do not extend that far, and we don't make exceptions for smokers. Sorry.
People with current, active, uncontrollable addictions to illegal drugs.
We cannot and do not want to have illegal drugs (including alcohol) at camp. You are not welcome if you bring pot or other illegal substances. There's a good chance you'll get sent home if you bring or use illegal substances while at NBTSC.
***
I'm racking my brain for whether there are other general categories of folks who might want to hesitate, or do further research, before registering for camp. I can't think of any. In 15 years I've only had 2 parents tell me that had they known more about camp, they wouldn't have sent their kids, but perhaps there are others who have felt this way and didn't tell me. To prevent possible mismatches in the future, as well as so that we can learn more about the range of effects our work has on families, we'd greatly appreciate hearing from--or about--anyone else for whom that's true.
Oh, I should point out that we have worked with only about 9 campers with significant disabilities, so usually when someone comes with unique needs we are facing a new situation and need to be educated as to how we can best serve you. But, we are more than happy to do our best in this regard, and in the past have felt that these partnerships were mutually beneficial.
Also, here is as good a place as any to report that one parent told me after NBTSC 2002 that her kids were shocked by some of the vocabulary that many campers used, and felt they had to be careful not to pick up terminology that would offend their conservative community back home. (She kindly suggested we warn families that "non-standard English" is often spoken.)
My personal assessment (of course I'm biased) is that while at most sessions of NBTSC there are events that would raise some parents' eyebrows, were they to witness camp, many of these parents would be more reassured and impressed by the positives (a remarkably warm, accepting, kind, inclusive, conscientious community of both campers and staff) than concerned by what they saw as the negatives.
***
I'd love to hear feedback on this page in particular, from anyone who's part of the camp community. I really want to be as open and accurate as possible in the way that we describe ourselves.
Thanks!
-Grace
photo by Joe Denardo, 1998